First things first, I’m doing great. Really and truly. I know it can be hard knowing what to say, how to help and if it’s ok to ask me about it. I feel healthy and calm and grateful. That doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. Last week, I had a lot of anxiety and fear. Once I realized I was focusing on future decisions and things I couldn’t change, I centered myself back to my faith. God tells us not to worry today about tomorrow’s troubles. So, today I’m healthy, the sun is shining, my kids are full of energy and smiles, we’ll have dinner together tonight and I’ll connect on Zoom with some of my favorite ladies.

I’ve learned quickly in my breast cancer journey that everyone’s experiences and preferences are different. As a result, it’s easy to feel like you’re on your own in your own journey. I’m constantly reminded by family, friends and sweet followers that I’m not alone.

There are sooo many decisions. How many opinions to get, local or out-of-town, how to find the right doctors, surgery and treatment options, when and who to tell, how to talk to the kids, and on and on. It so easy to worry if we’re making the right choices.

Sharing the Journey

People feel very differently about how and when to tell people, and who to tell. And NONE of these choices are right or wrong. They’re just right or wrong for YOU. The first week following my diagnosis, I shared with a small group of family and friends. Shortly after, I shared publicly on social media and then later here on my blog. For me, sharing has been such a gift. I feel supported by friends close and far away. I’ve been lifted up in prayer around the world. It feels free in a way to me. And I share my life already, so for me it felt weird to NOT share.

Many women feel the opposite. It feels too personal to share openly with everyone. It opens the door to more suggestions and opinions during an already confusing and overwhelming time. There’s no right or wrong choice on how much or little you share in your own personal journey.

Natural vs Conventional Treatments

I’m uniquely immersed in both western medicine and natural living communities. For me, this has created additional confusion and stress. If I choose conventional cancer treatments, am I harming my body even more? Could I heal and stay healthy going forward without them? If I choose natural treatments, am I being irresponsible? Will my “natural” friends judge me for conventional treatments and will other friends and family be appalled if I opt out of a conventional treatment?

At the end of the day, I have to remember that it’s my body and my health. You know that Rachel Hollis quote “Other people’s opinion of you is none of your business”? What I choose has to feel right to me, otherwise I will look back with regret and move forward with fear. Neither of those serve me in healing. My experiences the past several years have armed me with information and prepared me to make informed decisions. And most importantly, I’m staying close to God and relying on His guidance through difficult, scary decisions. Ultimately, I know He’ll nudge me in the right direction, if I can stay patient and focused on Him.

Second or Third Opinions

Some of the best advice we got early on was to get at least a second opinion. We ended up getting a third, which seems like a lot to many people, especially because (so far) I have a pretty straight-forward breast cancer.

But friends, you only get one shot to choose your surgeon. Once you make your choice on surgery, treatment, etc., the ball is rolling. There are decisions that can’t be undone. We sit near the middle of Missouri, with Kansas City about 2 hours west and St. Louis 2 hours east. This puts us pretty close to a couple of phenomenal cancer centers, so we’re meeting with 3 surgeons to make sure we know where we feel most comfortable.

Could I do this close to home to make it easier and more convenient? Sure. Could I do this out of town to get cutting-edge cancer care? Of course. At the end of the day, it’s about wherever we feel the most comfortable and that’s the choice we’ll make.

Freedom

So here’s where I am on all this. This is a time in my life when I HAVE to make decisions that are best for my physical and mental health. The decisions are mine, and it’s okay if I make different choices than someone else would make. When I come out on the other side of this, I want to walk in more freedom. To spend my time and energy on the things that matter to me, and not waste them on things that don’t. I want to fiercely love, boldly pursue my passions, courageously follow where God leads me.

Something I noticed the first week after being diagnosed is how CRAZY grateful I am for every little thing around me. Every hug and smile from my kiddos. The light that pours into our home early on spring mornings. Sitting on the back porch with my hubby at night. The smells, the sounds, everything about this beautiful life God has blessed upon me.

A sweet friend shared The Message translation of Philippians 4:13 with me today. “I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”

Our time is short here, friends. It’s your life, no one else’s. Let’s make it count!

XO, Kelli